Post by ~Missiour Mattchu~ on Mar 20, 2007 21:59:27 GMT -5
This is the full story finnally! 
Hope you enjoy it, here`s the first few chapters. ;D ;D ;D
________________________________________________________
Resident Non-Evil
A spoof Resident Evil 1
By ~Missior Mattchu~
Act One: The Introduction.
Alfred Hitchcock: Tonight, we will present to you a new story, of Suspence, mystery, horror and-
(Director of all RE games Shinji mikami walks onto set)
Shinji Mikami: Hey, Alfredo, wrong set.
Alfred Hitchcock: What? Isn`t this Alfred Hitchcock presents? And don`t call me Alfredo
Shinji Mikami: Uh... No that show ended years ago.. This is Resident Non-Evil.... Alfredo.
Alfred Hitchcock: Oh, sorry, my bad... AND DAMMIT DON`T CALL ME ALFREDO!! >_<
*Shinji Mikami giggles*
*Alfred Hitchcock leaves the set*
Shinji Mikami" See ya later Alfredo!
Alfred Hitchcock: >_<
______________________________________________________________________________________
Shinji Mikami: Okay, now that we`re done with that. I present to you all the worst resident evil game ever!
RESIDENT NON-EVIL RATED IM FOR IMMATURE
Act Two: The Mansion.
(There is a chopper flying over a mountain said and Chris Redfield is narrating)
Chris Redfield: We are flying around the mountain side looking for our missing comrades, the Java team.
Who Dissapeared in the middle of disco night at the SPOOKY spencer mansion. Anywho, we are the S.T.A.R.S. team who have been sent
to find the Java team, and rescure them from any certain danger!
We are the stars....
First, there`s Captain Wesker. (We see wesker, who has sunglasses on, (Even though it`s dark -_-) he flexes his muscles and then falls
on his gun that he left on the floor in front of him.
Then Barry! (We see barry stroking his gun. ANd he`s mumbling.) "You`re a beautiful little gun ain`tcha... yes you are.. He-he-he."( He looks and sees that everyone was watching him.) "TURN THAT DAMN CAMERA OFF!" (Barry then shoots the camera man.)
And Joeseph! (We see him writing on a piece of paper that reads "FINAL WILL AND TESTIMATE" Joesph looks at the camera.) "I`m going to die in like... (looks at watch)
5 minutes anyways, leave me alone so I can finish my will.
And last, and most certaintly least, BRAD OUR CHICKEN SHAT PILOT! (Brad sees the camera that Chris is holding) "AHH!!!!!"
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(Jill valentine spells out S.T.A.R.S by holding up the letters on paper to a theme song)
Jill Valentine: WE ARE THE S.T.A.R.S.!!!
S!.....
T!.....
A!.....
R!......
S!!!!
S.T.A.R.S.!!!
(Everyone stares with a straight face)
Jill: Wha?
Everyone: ..........
Jill: Didn`t you like it?
Everyone: ...........
Jill: Party poopers. -_-
Chris: Uh..... Holy shi- (Chris is cut off by Brad screaming)
Brad: SMOOOKKEEEEEEE
Chris: Huh!? What!?
(Brad points)
Brad: SMOOKEEY!!!! LOOK!
(Chris looks out the window, there is a steaming hellicopter with flashing lights)
Jill: OooOo Pretty! o.0
Chris: Damn! I bet it`s the Java`s Heli! Brad! Set us down now!
(Brad screams like a little girl)
Chris: WHY DO YOU SCREAM SO MUCH!?
Brad: FLYING HELICOPTERS MAKES ME NERVOUS!!!!!
Chris: -_-
(The helicopters front end smashes into groud making a small crater.)
Everyone: BRRRAAADDD!!!!
Brad: He-he... *scratches back of head* ^^;;
-____________________________________________________________-
Chris: Look over there!
(We see the Java`s helicopter.)
Barry: GO check it out Jill! I`ll stay here... He-he...
Chris: -_- Barr-
(JIll cuts off Chris before he can finish his sentence)
Jill: Mmkay!
(Jill runs happily to the chopper)
Chris: -_-
_________________________________________________________________
(Jill is now in the chopper looking for any surviviors)
Jill: Heeellloooo!!! Is anyone in theeere!? I`ll give you a cupcake if you come out!!
(Jill sees the pilots corpse, he has no head, or arms.)
Jill: Ooooo, Are you OK? o.0
(Jill pokes him)
___________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile......
(The team is searching around the premisis for and Java team surviviors)
Chris: HellllloooO!!!! Is anyone there!?
Barry: *Strokes his gun* My precious... He-he... Er... I mean hellloo!!!!
Joesph: Okay, okay... Stay calm, Maybe I can AVOID my death! Yeah,. yeah... That`s right, this is Resident Evil REmake!
They mustof made SOME plot changes! Yeah Yeah! IMA LIVE!!!!!.....
*We hear a dog growling*
Joseph: -_- Oh shi-
*CRUNCH*
Joseph:*insert girly scream here*
(The team hears barking and Joseph yelling like a girl)
Barry: OH NOES!!!
Chris: O.o
(Jills comes running back happily)
Jill: la, la la la la OH MY! Is he okay?
Chris: Does it look like it? -_-
Joseph: OH OH OH!!! OUCHIE!!! OH GAH IT HURTS GAH!!!!... OH OH!!! GAH!! MY LEG AH! NOT THE LEG I NEED THAT AHH!!!
Jill: Come here little puppy! ^_^
(Doberman comes running, it has a very little bit of skin left, and is drooling like mad)
Jill: AW!!! You`re SOOO CUTE! *hugs dog*
Chris: O.O
Barry:o.O
Jill: YOU ARE SQUISHY! YOU WILL BE MY SQUISHY AND I SHALL CALL YOU MAXI BOO-BOO!! ^_^
Maxi Boo-boo: ^_^
Joseph: GAH! STOP PETTING THE DAMN DOG AND HELP ME! GAH!!! OH MY OTHER LEG WHAAA!!! ;-;
Maxi Boo-boo: *Growl* (runs over and starts chewing on Joseph again)
Joseph: GRAH!!! WHY WON`T SOMONE GIVE ME A HAND OVER HERE!?!?
(Joseph`s hand lands in front of JIll)
Jill: Here ya go hun! *tosses hand over to Joseph*
Joseph: >_>
(Brad Appears)
Brad: Well, it seems to be all cle- (Sees Joseph getting munched on by the dogs)
Brad:
...... AHHH!!!! I FORGOT I LEFT SOMETHING IN THE OVEN BACK AT THE HELICOPTER!!!! *Runs*
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
5 Minutes later......
_________________
(Helicopter takes off)
Chris: NUU!!!!! DUN GO!!! ;-; (Holds up hand to the sky in a dramatic manner)
Barry: I`LL SAVE THE DAY! (Epic music plays and Barry is yelling) "NOoooOooOOooo" (in slow motion, he pulls out his magnum and shoots the helicopter`s gas tank)
*BOOM!*
(Helicopter explodes)
Brad: AHHH!!!! *Falls down in burning helicopter*
Barry: Ooopsy! ^^;
Everyone: -_- Nice, real nice... -_-
*The more dogs come and see the team*
Dogs: FOOOOOD!!!
Everyone:
Chris: Look! Overthere!
(Everyone sees a mansion in the distance)
Chris: RUN TO THAT MANSION!!!!!!
(everyone runs into the mansion slamming the door on one of the dogs noses)
Scooby Doo: ROUCHIE RY RODE!
______________________________________________________
Act Three: Inside The Mansion
______________________________________________________
Chris: Whew... That was CLOSE.
Jill: *nods*
Barry: So... What do we do now?
*Wesker loses his glasses*
Wesker: GAH! Jill! Help me find my glasses!
(Jill starts looking for Wesker`s glasses, then finds them and hands them back to him)
Jill: Here ya go si-
*Jill notices that Wesker has glowing eyes*
Jill: Uh.. Sir, why do you have glowing red eyes? o.o
Wesker: Uh.... Contact Lenses!
*Wesker hurridly grabs sunglasses out of Jill`s hands, and pulls out a tiny bottle of super glue, and glues his glasses back on*
Wesker: There! That should prevent them from falling off again!
Everyone:
*Wesker clears throat*
Wesker: Um.. Yeah.. We should start checking out this place.
Chris: Yeah... It`s huge!
Wesker: Alright.. Jill, Barry, You two go into the dinning er.. room through those two big doors over there, Chris, you go upstairs. As for me, I have to use the little boys room.
Jill: Uh.. Sir.. Wouldn`t it be best if we all sticked together?
Chris: That`s the smartest thing she`s said all day!
Wesker: Puh! Jill, haven`t you ever played Resident Evil games before!? We always split up! NOW GO!
Jill: *sniff* Mmkay...
Chris: Aw... It`s okay! Here! Have a cupcake! *Hands Jill cupcake*
Jill: YAY! *gobbles cupcake*
______________________________________________________________________________________
(The team has split up, Barry and Jill are going into the Room through the big doors, Chris is heading upstairs, and Wesker is going to the little boys room....
Just a question.. How DOES he know where the men`s room`s at? o.0)
*Barry and Jill are in the dinning room*
*Barry strokes his gun*
Barry: Aww.. Honey, I`m so sorry I had to fire you, but it ws absolutly nessicary!
Jill: Wha!? you fired me!? When!? ;-;
Barry: I wasn`t talking to you Jill, I was talking to sweetpea.
Jill: Oh, okay..... Who? o.O
*Barry points at his magnum*
Jill: o.O
*Barry tries to change the subject, and avoid anymore awkward moments.*
Barry: Um.. Well, we should look around here and see if we can find anything He-he.. ^^;
Jill: Yeah you`re right let`s see......
*Barry slips an expensive looking gold piece into his vest while noones looking.)
Barry:Yeeeesss?
*BOOM!*
(A deformed male person barges through the door and heads for Jill)
Zombie: MMMM!! JILL SANDWICH!!!
Jill: NOT TODAY, BIATCH! (Jill chucks a dinner platter at the zombie decapitating it)
Barry: HOLY SHIT!!!
Jill: ^_^
__________________________________________________________________________
(Chris is upstairs, checking the doors to find an unlocked one)
Chris: Dammit! There is 22 doors up here and 20 of them are locked!!! >_< How did these people navigate through this mansion!?
Alright.. Two more doors to check... PLEASE LET ONE OF THEM BE OPEN!!! >_<
(Chris tries to open the first door and it`s locked)
Chris: DAMMIT!!! >_< Alright... one more.... PLEASE OPEN!!!
(Chris slowly reaches his hand towards the door handle when....)
*BOOM!*
(The Door bursts open and smacks Chris in the face)
Chris: OW! *Holds nose in pain* CRIKEY!
(Chris then sees what appears to be a zombie, and shoots it... Right in the arse..o.O)
Zombie err... Man!: OW!!! OH YOU BLOODY ASSHOLE! YOU SHOT ME RIGHT IN THE ASS!
(Chris`s voice sounds kinof nasily since he just had it slammed by a door)
Chris: GRAH! WELL YOU SLAMMED THE DOOR IN ON MY NODE YOU NORK! *While still holding his nose in pain Chris calms down*
Who are YOU anyways!?
Zombie err... Man!: My name is Russell Savage! I am the keymaster of this mansion, and one of the only surviviors of the P virus!
Chris:...... P virus?
Russell: Yes, the P virus, It makes you wiz yourself alot, and turns you into a flesh hungry zombie.
Chris:.................
Russell: Well, there`s also the more popular T virus.
Chris:.........Do I WANT to know what that does?.....
Russell: It just makes you into a flesh hungry zombie.
Chris: Ah.. Okay then...
(There is a long awkward pause between the two.)
Russell:....SO ANYWAYS... Need any keys?
Chris: YES! ALL OF THESE FREAKIN` DOORS ARE LOCKED! HOW MANY KEYS DO YOU HAVE!?
Russell: Two.
Chris: You`re the keymaster, and you only have TWO KEYS?
*Russell nods*
Chris: Um.. Okay then.. I supposed we should try some of them...
*Russell pulls out a shiney key*
Russell: LETS ROCK AND UNLOCK!!!
Chris: ...........
_________________________________________________
Meanwhile.........
_________________________________________________
(We see wesker in the bathroom standing at a urinal)
Wesker: Whew..Glad those half wits aren`t smart enough to catch onto to the fact that I knew where the little boys room was.
(Insert Evil villian laugh here.)
Wesker: Whew, I feel better now tha-
*ZIP!!*
Wesker: GAH! (Weskers voice goes high.)
Wesker: GRAH!!!..... GOT.. IT... CAUGHT... AGAIN.... OUCHIES!!!!
(Wesker then proceds to slowly unzip his fly.)
Wesker: OH... OUCHIE... THAT`S...GONNA...LEAVE...A...MARK.....
(After Wesker finnally gets his issue all sorted out, he walks over to the sink to wash his hands, and hear an errie, unhuman grunt come from one of the bathroom stalls)
Wesker:... Um... Hello?
(Wesker crouches down on the ground, and tries to look under the stall, but, he sees nothing.)
Wesker: Hm.. Musta been me...
(Wesker drys his hands, and walks over to open the bathroom door when the bathroom stalls door opens behind him. Wesker turns around in a hurry to see what`s behind him. He sees a hunter walk out of the bathroom stall, with a piece of toilet paper still stuck to it`s foot. It walks over, washes it`s hands, and then walks up to Wesker and stares at him)
Wesker:................... Um... Hunters first? *Opens door for hunter, and the hunter walks out into the darkness of the night again*
Wesker: Now I`ve seen everything.....
More coming soon!
Hope you enjoy it, here`s the first few chapters. ;D ;D ;D ________________________________________________________
Resident Non-Evil
A spoof Resident Evil 1
By ~Missior Mattchu~
Act One: The Introduction.
Alfred Hitchcock: Tonight, we will present to you a new story, of Suspence, mystery, horror and-
(Director of all RE games Shinji mikami walks onto set)
Shinji Mikami: Hey, Alfredo, wrong set.
Alfred Hitchcock: What? Isn`t this Alfred Hitchcock presents? And don`t call me Alfredo
Shinji Mikami: Uh... No that show ended years ago.. This is Resident Non-Evil.... Alfredo.
Alfred Hitchcock: Oh, sorry, my bad... AND DAMMIT DON`T CALL ME ALFREDO!! >_<
*Shinji Mikami giggles*
*Alfred Hitchcock leaves the set*
Shinji Mikami" See ya later Alfredo!
Alfred Hitchcock: >_<
______________________________________________________________________________________
Shinji Mikami: Okay, now that we`re done with that. I present to you all the worst resident evil game ever!
RESIDENT NON-EVIL RATED IM FOR IMMATURE
Act Two: The Mansion.
(There is a chopper flying over a mountain said and Chris Redfield is narrating)
Chris Redfield: We are flying around the mountain side looking for our missing comrades, the Java team.
Who Dissapeared in the middle of disco night at the SPOOKY spencer mansion. Anywho, we are the S.T.A.R.S. team who have been sent
to find the Java team, and rescure them from any certain danger!
We are the stars....
First, there`s Captain Wesker. (We see wesker, who has sunglasses on, (Even though it`s dark -_-) he flexes his muscles and then falls
on his gun that he left on the floor in front of him.
Then Barry! (We see barry stroking his gun. ANd he`s mumbling.) "You`re a beautiful little gun ain`tcha... yes you are.. He-he-he."( He looks and sees that everyone was watching him.) "TURN THAT DAMN CAMERA OFF!" (Barry then shoots the camera man.)
And Joeseph! (We see him writing on a piece of paper that reads "FINAL WILL AND TESTIMATE" Joesph looks at the camera.) "I`m going to die in like... (looks at watch)
5 minutes anyways, leave me alone so I can finish my will.
And last, and most certaintly least, BRAD OUR CHICKEN SHAT PILOT! (Brad sees the camera that Chris is holding) "AHH!!!!!"
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(Jill valentine spells out S.T.A.R.S by holding up the letters on paper to a theme song)
Jill Valentine: WE ARE THE S.T.A.R.S.!!!
S!.....
T!.....
A!.....
R!......
S!!!!
S.T.A.R.S.!!!
(Everyone stares with a straight face)
Jill: Wha?
Everyone: ..........
Jill: Didn`t you like it?
Everyone: ...........
Jill: Party poopers. -_-
Chris: Uh..... Holy shi- (Chris is cut off by Brad screaming)
Brad: SMOOOKKEEEEEEE
Chris: Huh!? What!?
(Brad points)
Brad: SMOOKEEY!!!! LOOK!
(Chris looks out the window, there is a steaming hellicopter with flashing lights)
Jill: OooOo Pretty! o.0
Chris: Damn! I bet it`s the Java`s Heli! Brad! Set us down now!
(Brad screams like a little girl)
Chris: WHY DO YOU SCREAM SO MUCH!?
Brad: FLYING HELICOPTERS MAKES ME NERVOUS!!!!!
Chris: -_-
(The helicopters front end smashes into groud making a small crater.)
Everyone: BRRRAAADDD!!!!
Brad: He-he... *scratches back of head* ^^;;
-____________________________________________________________-
Chris: Look over there!
(We see the Java`s helicopter.)
Barry: GO check it out Jill! I`ll stay here... He-he...
Chris: -_- Barr-
(JIll cuts off Chris before he can finish his sentence)
Jill: Mmkay!
(Jill runs happily to the chopper)
Chris: -_-
_________________________________________________________________
(Jill is now in the chopper looking for any surviviors)
Jill: Heeellloooo!!! Is anyone in theeere!? I`ll give you a cupcake if you come out!!
(Jill sees the pilots corpse, he has no head, or arms.)
Jill: Ooooo, Are you OK? o.0
(Jill pokes him)
___________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile......
(The team is searching around the premisis for and Java team surviviors)
Chris: HellllloooO!!!! Is anyone there!?
Barry: *Strokes his gun* My precious... He-he... Er... I mean hellloo!!!!
Joesph: Okay, okay... Stay calm, Maybe I can AVOID my death! Yeah,. yeah... That`s right, this is Resident Evil REmake!
They mustof made SOME plot changes! Yeah Yeah! IMA LIVE!!!!!.....
*We hear a dog growling*
Joseph: -_- Oh shi-
*CRUNCH*
Joseph:*insert girly scream here*
(The team hears barking and Joseph yelling like a girl)
Barry: OH NOES!!!
Chris: O.o
(Jills comes running back happily)
Jill: la, la la la la OH MY! Is he okay?
Chris: Does it look like it? -_-
Joseph: OH OH OH!!! OUCHIE!!! OH GAH IT HURTS GAH!!!!... OH OH!!! GAH!! MY LEG AH! NOT THE LEG I NEED THAT AHH!!!
Jill: Come here little puppy! ^_^
(Doberman comes running, it has a very little bit of skin left, and is drooling like mad)
Jill: AW!!! You`re SOOO CUTE! *hugs dog*
Chris: O.O
Barry:o.O
Jill: YOU ARE SQUISHY! YOU WILL BE MY SQUISHY AND I SHALL CALL YOU MAXI BOO-BOO!! ^_^
Maxi Boo-boo: ^_^
Joseph: GAH! STOP PETTING THE DAMN DOG AND HELP ME! GAH!!! OH MY OTHER LEG WHAAA!!! ;-;
Maxi Boo-boo: *Growl* (runs over and starts chewing on Joseph again)
Joseph: GRAH!!! WHY WON`T SOMONE GIVE ME A HAND OVER HERE!?!?
(Joseph`s hand lands in front of JIll)
Jill: Here ya go hun! *tosses hand over to Joseph*
Joseph: >_>
(Brad Appears)
Brad: Well, it seems to be all cle- (Sees Joseph getting munched on by the dogs)
Brad:
...... AHHH!!!! I FORGOT I LEFT SOMETHING IN THE OVEN BACK AT THE HELICOPTER!!!! *Runs* _____________________________________________________________________________________________
5 Minutes later......
_________________
(Helicopter takes off)
Chris: NUU!!!!! DUN GO!!! ;-; (Holds up hand to the sky in a dramatic manner)
Barry: I`LL SAVE THE DAY! (Epic music plays and Barry is yelling) "NOoooOooOOooo" (in slow motion, he pulls out his magnum and shoots the helicopter`s gas tank)
*BOOM!*
(Helicopter explodes)
Brad: AHHH!!!! *Falls down in burning helicopter*
Barry: Ooopsy! ^^;
Everyone: -_- Nice, real nice... -_-
*The more dogs come and see the team*
Dogs: FOOOOOD!!!
Everyone:
Chris: Look! Overthere!
(Everyone sees a mansion in the distance)
Chris: RUN TO THAT MANSION!!!!!!
(everyone runs into the mansion slamming the door on one of the dogs noses)
Scooby Doo: ROUCHIE RY RODE!
______________________________________________________
Act Three: Inside The Mansion
______________________________________________________
Chris: Whew... That was CLOSE.
Jill: *nods*
Barry: So... What do we do now?
*Wesker loses his glasses*
Wesker: GAH! Jill! Help me find my glasses!
(Jill starts looking for Wesker`s glasses, then finds them and hands them back to him)
Jill: Here ya go si-
*Jill notices that Wesker has glowing eyes*
Jill: Uh.. Sir, why do you have glowing red eyes? o.o
Wesker: Uh.... Contact Lenses!
*Wesker hurridly grabs sunglasses out of Jill`s hands, and pulls out a tiny bottle of super glue, and glues his glasses back on*
Wesker: There! That should prevent them from falling off again!
Everyone:
*Wesker clears throat*
Wesker: Um.. Yeah.. We should start checking out this place.
Chris: Yeah... It`s huge!
Wesker: Alright.. Jill, Barry, You two go into the dinning er.. room through those two big doors over there, Chris, you go upstairs. As for me, I have to use the little boys room.
Jill: Uh.. Sir.. Wouldn`t it be best if we all sticked together?
Chris: That`s the smartest thing she`s said all day!
Wesker: Puh! Jill, haven`t you ever played Resident Evil games before!? We always split up! NOW GO!
Jill: *sniff* Mmkay...
Chris: Aw... It`s okay! Here! Have a cupcake! *Hands Jill cupcake*
Jill: YAY! *gobbles cupcake*
______________________________________________________________________________________
(The team has split up, Barry and Jill are going into the Room through the big doors, Chris is heading upstairs, and Wesker is going to the little boys room....
Just a question.. How DOES he know where the men`s room`s at? o.0)
*Barry and Jill are in the dinning room*
*Barry strokes his gun*
Barry: Aww.. Honey, I`m so sorry I had to fire you, but it ws absolutly nessicary!
Jill: Wha!? you fired me!? When!? ;-;
Barry: I wasn`t talking to you Jill, I was talking to sweetpea.
Jill: Oh, okay..... Who? o.O
*Barry points at his magnum*
Jill: o.O
*Barry tries to change the subject, and avoid anymore awkward moments.*
Barry: Um.. Well, we should look around here and see if we can find anything He-he.. ^^;
Jill: Yeah you`re right let`s see......
*Barry slips an expensive looking gold piece into his vest while noones looking.)
Barry:Yeeeesss?
*BOOM!*
(A deformed male person barges through the door and heads for Jill)
Zombie: MMMM!! JILL SANDWICH!!!
Jill: NOT TODAY, BIATCH! (Jill chucks a dinner platter at the zombie decapitating it)
Barry:
HOLY SHIT!!!Jill: ^_^
__________________________________________________________________________
(Chris is upstairs, checking the doors to find an unlocked one)
Chris: Dammit! There is 22 doors up here and 20 of them are locked!!! >_< How did these people navigate through this mansion!?
Alright.. Two more doors to check... PLEASE LET ONE OF THEM BE OPEN!!! >_<
(Chris tries to open the first door and it`s locked)
Chris: DAMMIT!!! >_< Alright... one more.... PLEASE OPEN!!!
(Chris slowly reaches his hand towards the door handle when....)
*BOOM!*
(The Door bursts open and smacks Chris in the face)
Chris: OW! *Holds nose in pain* CRIKEY!
(Chris then sees what appears to be a zombie, and shoots it... Right in the arse..o.O)
Zombie err... Man!: OW!!! OH YOU BLOODY ASSHOLE! YOU SHOT ME RIGHT IN THE ASS!
(Chris`s voice sounds kinof nasily since he just had it slammed by a door)
Chris: GRAH! WELL YOU SLAMMED THE DOOR IN ON MY NODE YOU NORK! *While still holding his nose in pain Chris calms down*
Who are YOU anyways!?
Zombie err... Man!: My name is Russell Savage! I am the keymaster of this mansion, and one of the only surviviors of the P virus!
Chris:...... P virus?
Russell: Yes, the P virus, It makes you wiz yourself alot, and turns you into a flesh hungry zombie.
Chris:
.................Russell: Well, there`s also the more popular T virus.
Chris:.........Do I WANT to know what that does?
.....Russell: It just makes you into a flesh hungry zombie.
Chris: Ah.. Okay then...
(There is a long awkward pause between the two.)
Russell:....SO ANYWAYS... Need any keys?
Chris: YES! ALL OF THESE FREAKIN` DOORS ARE LOCKED! HOW MANY KEYS DO YOU HAVE!?
Russell: Two.
Chris: You`re the keymaster, and you only have TWO KEYS?
*Russell nods*
Chris: Um.. Okay then.. I supposed we should try some of them...
*Russell pulls out a shiney key*
Russell: LETS ROCK AND UNLOCK!!!
Chris: ...........
_________________________________________________
Meanwhile.........
_________________________________________________
(We see wesker in the bathroom standing at a urinal)
Wesker: Whew..Glad those half wits aren`t smart enough to catch onto to the fact that I knew where the little boys room was.
(Insert Evil villian laugh here.)
Wesker: Whew, I feel better now tha-
*ZIP!!*
Wesker: GAH! (Weskers voice goes high.)
Wesker: GRAH!!!..... GOT.. IT... CAUGHT... AGAIN.... OUCHIES!!!!
(Wesker then proceds to slowly unzip his fly.)
Wesker: OH... OUCHIE... THAT`S...GONNA...LEAVE...A...MARK.....
(After Wesker finnally gets his issue all sorted out, he walks over to the sink to wash his hands, and hear an errie, unhuman grunt come from one of the bathroom stalls)
Wesker:... Um... Hello?
(Wesker crouches down on the ground, and tries to look under the stall, but, he sees nothing.)
Wesker: Hm.. Musta been me...
(Wesker drys his hands, and walks over to open the bathroom door when the bathroom stalls door opens behind him. Wesker turns around in a hurry to see what`s behind him. He sees a hunter walk out of the bathroom stall, with a piece of toilet paper still stuck to it`s foot. It walks over, washes it`s hands, and then walks up to Wesker and stares at him)
Wesker:................... Um... Hunters first? *Opens door for hunter, and the hunter walks out into the darkness of the night again*
Wesker: Now I`ve seen everything.....
More coming soon!
It's okay dude. It'll come to life soon. More chapters have been written also. I'll post them soon as I finish the story. I need to come up with a awesome ending. 
HEre's them ore recent chapters.. I'm thinking of redoing the story.. I dunno....
?! >_<